How's this for a Hootenanny? Appointment Days, Life, and the Problems of Pain and Prednisone

Well, my blog is actually starting to get a little bit of meat on its bones now (and a bit of traffic... thank you readers!), and I realized that I have yet to post anything experientially-related to me; in other words, I haven't really shared any thoughts or updates about my feelings or general well-being. And not that I would presume to think people are biting their nails waiting for this, I probably should... at least insofar as blogging can serve as a form of therapy for managing stress and emotions. The occasional uber-personal post (and not just "advice") might serve to make me a better, well-adjusted blogger. And again, if you are reading this, thank you so very, very much. This is quickly turning into a pet project of mine, and it has been wonderful and thrilling to enter the world of blogging. I don't think I'll ever turn back. That said, this is a "hootenanny-post," probably the first of many, many more, wherein I make up for lost time and throw together a hodge-podge of topical highlights. And to some extent this reflects the general course of my life and the life of a cancer patient, at least this week anyhow.

Appointment Days
If you have cancer and haven't had one of these yet, get ready for it. It's like an Aristotelian confluence of events, wherein ALL of your regular follow-up appointments happen to occur on the same day... I call it a medical marathon. :) It pooped me out, big time. But luckily, all was clear. At the moment, however, we are dealing with a bit of diagnostic uncertainty related to my gastrointestinal well-being, and it's messing with my head. To explain, I have metastatic lymphoma, with the main metastasis being located in my colon; the side effects of this have my doctors uncertain about whether I might actually have ulcerative colitis. I have many, if not all, of the symptoms, but the question that remains is whether there is an underlying gastrointestinal pathology, or are the inflammatory symptoms simply a response to the colon-based tumor I have? Frankly, I'm praying that I DO NOT have UC; the long term outlook is simply better if my symptoms are more cancer-related. I'm sure I'll be blogging more about this near the end of the summer when my primary care responsibilities switch more to my GI.

But other than that, it was somewhat smooth sailing. My cell counts were good and my LDH was normal. If you have been diagnosed with cancer, you'll need to keep an eye on your LDH: the lactate dehydrogenase assay tests for cell damage, essentially, wherein a high LDH means more cell damage, ergo more cancer. Normal LDH means the cancer is going away. Within reason and with a humble attitude, I'd suggest learning about the essentials of your care so that you can be more informed about your health and know what questions to ask your doctors when you visit them. For me, for this week, it was my GI, oncologist, and dressing change for my PICC line, after which I had a little bit of...

Life
Hey, it happens. And it's most definitely better than the alternative. Although treatment is becoming a more integral and demanding part of my life with each passing day, I have decided that I'm also not going to let cancer barricade me in my house while the world goes on around me. As I get deeper into treatment, I am fast realizing that I do need to be selective about what gets me out of the house, when, and for how long. This week it was graduation at the university where I teach, and although I left a bit early, I needed and wanted to be there. More generally, however, I'm beginning to think that I will want to cluster the events and work responsibilities I engage in around the week following each treatment, when I'm on prednisone. Prednisone can be a fussy drug to manage, especially where the general hyper-ness is concerned, but notwithstanding it does give you the energy and mentality to feel and act somewhat normal. As I get closer to another treatment and take less to no prednisone, I feel increasingly more intense amounts of...

Pain
Cancer pain is so strange. It will happen for no apparent reason, and the sensations it produces are just... well, strange. At times it feels like having a cold, but without the cold; it's a general achiness without fever or other common symptoms. And then there are times, like the past day or two, when it borders on unbearable. I never go anywhere (even in my house) without my pain medication, because intense pain can hit me without any warning. I have somewhat mixed feelings about my pain meds, though, considering my history. But if I've made any substantial psychological progress since my days as an addict, I've come to the realization that those days are behind me, and, right here, right now, I have the right to not be in pain. If you have cancer, you have the right, too. If you get a new pain medication and it's not working, call your doctor. Don't be a hero, it won't help you get better.